Corriger un texte d'anglais pour un oral

Publié le 2 mars 2015 il y a 9A par Anonyme - Fin › 5 mars 2015 dans 9A
1

Sujet du devoir

Bonsoir,

J'ai un oral d'anglais bientot et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pourrais corriger mon texte.

Je suis pas très forte en anglais 

Merci d'avance 

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

Good afternoon I'm Diane and I'd like to give my opinion about the radio file which i was listening.
In this two countries we have differents ways to spy on people.
First i think it's too much.
Everything is controlled by the government. The state has becoming a kind of dictatorship.
For example when you drive, walk or go shopping you are observed. Freedom of thought, of expression, of speech and of worship are censured or monitored since in Obey's billboard.
People haven't got privacy and the government says to justify themselves that "it's to reduce crimes".
On the other hand, when the parents say to their children that if they are not wise or nice they will be punished by the elves.
I believe that a good idea to prepare them of their future life with cctv camera or the thought police . But they will be not able to make difference between good or bad.
To conclude i against this idea of watching everything because people need a private life even if it's for a good cause.
Thanks and goodbye.




6 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 2 mars 2015

The state became a kind...

Après pour le reste c'est bon mais je suis pas très sûre pour certains temps  que tu as utilisé mais la dessus je n'ai jamais compris quel temps il faut utiliser.

 

 

Anonyme
Posté le 3 mars 2015

merci

Anonyme
Posté le 3 mars 2015

Si c'est un devoir d'oral alors le temps qui me semble le plus approprié est le présent !

alors sa donne ça: j'ai mis au présent et j'ai supprimer des petit mot (the, an is, it,) en trop

Good afternoon I'm Diane and I'd like to give my opinion about the radio file which, i was listening to
In this two countries we have differents ways to spy on people.
First i think it's too much.
Everything is controlled by the government. The state has become  kind of dictatorship.
For example when you drive, walk or go shopping you are observed. Freedom of thought, of expression, of speech and of worship are censured or monitored since in Obey's billboard.
People doesn't have  privacy and the government says they justify themselves that "it's to reduce crimes".
On the other hand, when  parents say to their children that if they are not wise or nice they will be punished by the elves.
I believe that a good idea to prepare them forthere future life with cctv camera or the thought police . But they wont  be able to make  the difference between good or bad.
To conclude i'm against this idea of watching everything because people need private life even if  it's for a good cause.
Thanks and goodbye.

 

voila j'espère que sa t'aideras après, tu n'as pas dit quel temps il fallait que tu utilise.

 

Anonyme
Posté le 3 mars 2015

merci beaucoup, 

il n'y avait pas vraiment de temps prédéfini 

1
Anonyme
Posté le 3 mars 2015

Good afternoon I'm Diane and I'd like to give my opinion about the radio file I've been listening.
In these two countries we have different ways to spy on people.<-de quels pays parles-tu ?


I would say that on the one hand,this system can be considered as an intrusive way to control  populations. Then it can appear as an  abusive system  and rather far from democratic rules.
Everything is controlled by the government. The state has become a kind of dictatorship.
For example when you drive, walk or go shopping you are observed. Freedoms of thought, of expression, of speech and of worship are censured or monitored since in Obey's billboard.
People doesn't have any privacy anymore  and the government says to justify themselves that "it's to reduce crimes".
On the other hand, when the parents say to their children that if they are not wise or nice they will be punished by the elves.
I believe that it can be a good idea to prepare them for their future life with cctv camera or the thought police . But they will not be  able to make difference between good or bad.<-pourquoi ?

To conclude I don't agree with   this idea of watching everything, even to prevent  from crime,  because people need a private life, moreover, because in this case, individual freedom and responsability  are considered as  anecdotic subjects, whereas they constitute the base of our humanity.


Thanks and goodbye.

Anonyme
Posté le 3 mars 2015

Merci  beaucoup de ton aide.

les deux pays sont UK et New Zeland.

Pourquoi ils ne peuvent pas faire la difference entre ce qui est bien ou mauvais, je sais pas trop c'est ma prof qui a sorti ca l'autre jour alors j'ai voulu le reutiliser.


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