imaginer la suite d'une nouvelle fantastique THE LANDLADY de roald dahl " imagine the story has one more page"

avatar melissaaa
melissaaa
Publié le 16 janv. 2010 il y a 4A Fin › 19 janv. 2010 4A
5

SUJET DU DEVOIR

Bonjour, je dois imaginer la suite d'une histoire . L'énoncé est le suivant"imagine the story has one more page.Wirte it."L'histoire dont je doit imaginé la suite est écrit par Roald Dahl. Le titre est "The Landlady" Cette histoire est une histoire fantastique qui parle d'une propriètaire de Bed and breakfast trés étrange, en effet, elle ampaille tous ses animaux, son bed and breakfast est désert , Billy le personnage principal est seul . De plus cela fait Trois ans qu'aucun autre client n'est venu dans ce bed and breakfast.je dois écrire le moment ou la propriètaire va le tuer. Voila ma rédaction . J'aimerai savoir si cela correspond bien au sujet . SI MON HISTOIRE EST IMAGINATIVE OU PAS. Merci de me donner des sugesstions pour améliorer ma rédaction. Et de corriger mes fautes de grammaires.


JE SUIS PRETE A PAYER DE MON ARGENT DE POCHE CEUX QUI M'AIDENT !
AIDEZ MOI SVP

OÙ J'EN SUIS DANS MON DEVOIR

The last words pronouced by the landlady resonated in billy's head. He could not prevent himself to heard resonated this words"only you" "only you" " only you"...
Billy wondered why he was alone in the bed and breakfast and why there had not been any other guests here except him, Christopher Mulhlland and Gregory w.Templ for two or three days.The atmospher was strange and Billy was surprised by the landlady behaviour. In fact, she stuffed all her animals. Billy thought that she was a crazy girl.
Billy asked the landlady"Why had not there been any other guests in this bed and breakfast exceptme, C.M and GW.T.?"
The landlady ansewered with a littel smille"Do you want to know the turth?
"What turth?"repied Billy
He started to become anxious and to panic, his cheeks became red. so, the landlady ansewered to Billy"The turth about that it was arrived to C.M and GW.T(la vérité àpropos de ce qui est arrivé à...
"What did happen to C.M and GW.T ?"Billy said
"They were died" said the landlady
Billy was petrified , he did not anderstand that she said.
That's why he said "How did M.C and GW.t die?"
"Do you want to know the turth ?" said again the landlady with her pleasent face .
"What do you want to say ?" Billy asked her
"I killed them two or three yeras ago." annouced the landlady. Billy wanted to come out here , he started to andersatand , this landlady was a killer and he became frightened by this landlady.
"Are you terrifing?Would you like a cup of tea?" asked the landlady.
"No" replied Billy with a shiveringly voice
"Maybe are you thinking that I am going to kill you ?"said the landlady
"No" ansewered again Billy
"I am going to stuff as my animals " howled the landlady
"Are you afraid ?"added the landlady
"Yes, I am afraid " muttered Billy
Suddenly ,the landlady swooped down on Billy as if he was a prey or an animal.She stucked him with her arms . So Billy tried to slip out from The landlady 's arms, but he could not mouve. With energy the landlady tried to catch the teapot in order to spill it on him. But at the same moment (mais au même moment qu'elle s'appraitait à renverser le tea sur lui )The bed and breakfast 's bell rang . Suddenly , the landlady stoped to stuck him with her arms, she stood up with energy and she maded her way mad the hall in order to open the door. She opened the doorand welcomed a new guest with a littel smile. So she said" welcome to the Bed and breakfast, do you find a room for the night?
Billy took advantage of the arrival of this futur victim to come out here without the landlady saw him. now billy was in the street , he was relived but at the same time he was disturbed by (ce qu'il avait vécu)Billy jured himself that he will never not retourn in a bed and breakfast . Finaly the pub bell& Dragon would be more to him(finalement la pub aurait été mieux pour lui

PROPOSEZ MOI DAUTRES IDEES / FINS !
JATTENDS VOS REPONSES
MERCI.

17 commentaires pour le devoir imaginer la suite d'une nouvelle fantastique THE LANDLADY de roald dahl " imagine the story has one more page"

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Bonjour,

je pense que ta rédaction répond au sujet. On croit qu'elle va le tuer, on s'y attend mais au moment fatidique un nouveau client arrive! Dommage pour lui...

Je tiens à rappeler que l'aide que tu reçois ici est gratuite, pas la peine de parler d'argent.

J'ai noté la présence de quelques fautes: temps, syntaxe, sens.
Comme le texte est long, je vais y aller paragraphe par paragraphe pour détailler les fautes (1/que tu voies les fautes, 2/ que tu voies la correction que j'appore).
Je tiens à préciser que mon niveau d'anglais est bon mais la correction que j'apporte n'est pas la seule possible, c'est ton devoir, c'est à toi de décider.

melissaaa
melissaaa
4A
ça me rassure :)
merci de me signaler les fautes ou de nouvelles idées !
un Grand Merci !

cenedra
cenedra
4A
The last words pronouced by the landlady resonated in billy's head. He could not prevent himself to heard resonated this words"only you" "only you" " only you"...

CORRECTION:
phrase 1 ok
phrase 2: He could not help (prevent c'est pour quelqu'un d'autre) hearing (help +Ving) the resonating (adjectif) words "only you...

melissaaa
melissaaa
4A
d'accord merci pour les explications, je traduis mot par mot c'est pour ça au fait :(

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Billy wondered why he was alone in the bed and breakfast and why there had not been any other guests here except him, Christopher Mulhlland and Gregory w.Templ for two or three days.The atmospher was strange and Billy was surprised by the landlady behaviour. In fact, she stuffed all her animals. Billy thought that she was a crazy girl.

CORRECTION:
phrase 1: ok, juste "during two or three days", à la place de "for".
phrase 2: ok, juste "atmosphere" (orthographe)et "landlady's behaviour" (possessif).
phrase 3:ok
phrase 4:ok, "girl" c'est vraiment "petite fille" met plutot "woman".

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Billy asked the landlady"Why had not there been any other guests in this bed and breakfast exceptme, C.M and GW.T.?"
The landlady ansewered with a littel smille"Do you want to know the turth?
"What turth?"repied Billy

CORRECTION:
phrase1, ponctuation pour introduire les paroles (":", à la ligne, tiret), Why didn't you have (mal formulé) any other guests in....
phrase 2: answered, little, smile, truth, (orthographe) + mettre à la ligne pour les paroles
phrase 3: truth, replied

melissaaa
melissaaa
4A
"for" parce que depuis 2 ou 3 ans il n'a pas eu de clients au fait.
d'accord pour le reste :)

cenedra
cenedra
4A
He started to become anxious and to panic, his cheeks became red. so, the landlady ansewered to Billy"The turth about that it was arrived to C.M and GW.T(la vérité àpropos de ce qui est arrivé à...
"What did happen to C.M and GW.T ?"Billy said
"They were died" said the landlady
Billy was petrified , he did not anderstand that she said.
That's why he said "How did M.C and GW.t die?"
"Do you want to know the turth ?" said again the landlady with her pleasent face .


CORRECTION:
phrase 1: he grew anxious and started to panic, his cheeks turned red. (reformulation)
phrase 2: the landlady answered him (simplifie)+ mettre à la ligne les paroles, "the truth about what happened to C.M and G.W.T?" c'est ce que tu voulais dire.
phrase 3: "then what did happen to them?" asked Billy (simplifie)
phrase 4: they died (mauvaise construction pour ils sont morts, la bonne c'est celle-ci)
phrase 5: ok, juste "understand what she said"
phrase 6: he asked:-" Then, how did they die?" (simplifie, l'incompréhension est portée par la question)
phrase 7: ok, truth, pleasant (orthographe)


cenedra
cenedra
4A
le problème de "for", c'est qu'il faut le prétérit or ici la conjugaison impose le past perfect, donc ça bloque. je préferre mettre during qui n'impose pas de temps.

cenedra
cenedra
4A
What do you want to say ?" Billy asked her
"I killed them two or three yeras ago." annouced the landlady. Billy wanted to come out here , he started to andersatand , this landlady was a killer and he became frightened by this landlady.
"Are you terrifing?Would you like a cup of tea?" asked the landlady.
"No" replied Billy with a shiveringly voice

CORRECTION:
phrase 1: what do you mean? (simplifie pour dire la même chose)
phrase 2: ok
phrase 3: ok, juste understand (orthographe), was frightened by her au lieu de became (il a peur maintenant + allègement de la phrase: deux fois landlady c'est lourd)
phrase 4:ok, juste terrified (participe passé)
phrase 5: ok, shiveringly n'existe pas dans mon dico... remplace par trembling (trembler) ou quavering (chevroter).

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Maybe are you thinking that I am going to kill you ?"said the landlady
"No" ansewered again Billy
"I am going to stuff as my animals " howled the landlady
"Are you afraid ?"added the landlady
"Yes, I am afraid " muttered Billy

CORRECTION:
phrase 1: ok, Perhaps, you are thinking (ce n'est pas une question en fait)
phrase 2: ok, answered
phrase 3: I will stuff you as I do my animals (reformulation), j'aime beaucoup "howled"!
phrase 4: ok
phrase 5: ok, pour faire très anglais je mettrais "yes, I believe I am" muttered Billy

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Suddenly ,the landlady swooped down on Billy as if he was a prey or an animal.She stucked him with her arms . So Billy tried to slip out from The landlady 's arms, but he could not mouve. With energy the landlady tried to catch the teapot in order to spill it on him. But at the same moment (mais au même moment qu'elle s'appraitait à renverser le tea sur lui )The bed and breakfast 's bell rang.

CORRECTION:
phrase 1: ok
phrase 2: par stucked, tu voulais dire bloquer? si oui alors change par " she immobilized him"
phrase 3: ok, juste "slip out of her arms" , move (orthographe)
phrase 4: ok
phrase 5: but at the moment she began to spill tea over him, the bells rang.

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Suddenly , the landlady stoped to stuck him with her arms, she stood up with energy and she maded her way mad the hall in order to open the door. She opened the doorand welcomed a new guest with a littel smile. So she said" welcome to the Bed and breakfast, do you find a room for the night?

CORRECTION:
phrase 1: she dropped him (elle le lache), she got quickly back on her feet (elle se relève vite) and she made her way to the hall to open the door (reformulation pour alléger le récit)
phrase 2: ok, little (orthographe)
phrase 3: ok, do you want a room for the night?

melissaaa
melissaaa
4A
vraiment merci !
la fin est bien faite vous pensez ?
parce qe je n'arrive pas à bien traduire la fin ..

cenedra
cenedra
4A
Billy took advantage of the arrival of this futur victim to come out here without the landlady saw him. now billy was in the street , he was relived but at the same time he was disturbed by (ce qu'il avait vécu)Billy jured himself that he will never not retourn in a bed and breakfast . Finaly the pub bell& Dragon would be more to him(finalement la pub aurait été mieux pour lui

CORRECTION:
phrase 1: "to come out here" remplace par "to leave", "the landlady knowing it" (sans qu'elle le sache)
phrase 2: ok, relieved, he was unsettled by what just happened (perturbé par ce qui venait d'arriver)
phrase 3: Billy vowed never to return in a Bed & Breakfast(to vow = se jurer, Billy se jura de ne jamais retourner dans un B&B)
phrase 4: In the end, the pub Bell & Dragon would have been better for him (reformulation pour obtenir ce que tu voulais dire)

cenedra
cenedra
4A
si la fin correspond à ce que tu veux dire en français alors en anglais c'est ça.

personnellement j'aime bien la fin: Billy s'en sort, le cycle recommence avec un nouveau client et il y a une pointe d'humour.

melissaaa
melissaaa
4A
thank you