devoir d'anglais concernant flamby69 mais aussi les autres

Publié le 5 mars 2015 il y a 9A par Anonyme - Fin › 8 mars 2015 dans 9A
1

Sujet du devoir

Bonjour à tous je dois imaginer une scène de crime dont vous rapporter les faits en tant que témoin .Tout en utilisant be +participe passe , le passif et le prétérit aidez moi à trouver des idées pour que mon paragraphe en anglais dure plus longtemps car il doit durer 2 minutes, il y a Flamby69 qui m'a écrit tu pourras me répondre sur ce devoir car mon ancien devoirs étais fini et je ne pouvais plus te répondre du coup, par contre pour les autres si vous avez d'autres idées je les prends avec plaisir, dite-moi si c'est bien et corriger moi si possible svp

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

An unknown of about 25 years old has been found dead, in tragic circumstances, indeed he was stabbed many times.

 Here is the perfect physical description of the culprit made by her man : The culprit was a woman, she was student in 2nd year of tub ferry, high school diploma. She had the smoother and silky clear hair of an mahogany which teemed with of vitality. The eyes was brown, they shone and inspired the confidence. Her lips were red and thin but drawn well. Her do slim waist proof of its flexibility and its dynamism. Her clothing aspect reflect its elegance and its discerning taste. She had a beaming smile which inspired the politeness, the sympathy and the confidence. She had a crazy passion for the music. Every night before putting to sleep me, she sang me a song in French or in English, but in a melodious voice. It was my pleasant wife; I liked very much

In a neighboring villa next of the place, last night, a couple of neighbors heard a boy screaming for help, his death-sounding screams and his cries iced their blood.

Moreover , my dog was barking... I found it very odd. A another witness passed around and saw somme smoke getting out of the house while the fire was spreading rapidly.

afterwards i called immediatly the firemen... but Because of the strong wind , firemen had difficulty stopping the fire .

I have put detective mister Sony In charge of the investigation. Therefore , he managed to determine and to elucidate the exact circumstances, and the guilty person has been arrested and is going to be sentenced for murder cheers but he was convinced that he would be able to resolve this mystery.

 




7 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 5 mars 2015

Bonjour

Excuse-moi mais, au vu du sujet "imaginez une scène de crime dont vous rapporterez les faits en tant que témoin", il me semble que certaines parties de ton travail ne correspondent pas à ce sujet.

La longue description de la coupable, qui est bien rédigée, dans une forme qui se veut littéraire, apparaît comme hors-sujet :elle représente un gros tiers de l'ensemble et n'est en rien en rapport avec le témoignage de la scène de crime...

J'ai peut-être mal compris le sujet...

Anonyme
Posté le 5 mars 2015

Tu fais imaginer une mise en scène où ça serait dans un tribunal et le présumé coupable dit ce qu'il a fait.  Je pense que cela peut être intéressant ! Bon courage pour la suite. 

Anonyme
Posté le 5 mars 2015

Bonjour,

je vois tout à fait ce que tu veux dire, mais avant quelqu'un m'a conseillé de faire une description pour que mon texte soit plus enrichi donc je ne sais pas trop quoi te dire...

Anonyme
Posté le 5 mars 2015

Voilà quelques corrections et un petit bout de texte que tu pourras développer pour rallonger ton devoir. :-)

...and silky clear hair of an mahogany which teemed of with vitality ....

Qu'est ce que ça veut dire ??

silky clear mahogany hair which reflected vitality. The eyes were brown....they shone and inspired confidence......but well drawn.

Her do slim waist 

??? Her very slim waist was a proof of her ...

Her clothing reflected her elegance and her discerning taste

....which inspired politeness, sympathy and confidence

...a crazy passion for music

...before getting me to sleep, she would sing me a song....

I liked her very much

Last night, in a neighbouring villa, a couple heard a boy ...

...his squealing made their blood freeze

...some smoke coming out of ....

...was arrested and will be sentenced for murder.

Detective Sony is still convinced that he will be able to solve the case. He told me that he had found quite a few indications that would help him in his investigation.                                       In the crowd of onlookers, he had noticed some very odd people who could well have something to do with the murder.

 

Anonyme
Posté le 5 mars 2015

ok merci beaucoup koko2000 pour la correction et pour tes quelques idées

Anonyme
Posté le 5 mars 2015

J'ai fait des modifications à mon texte, pourrais-tu me re-corriger koko2000 stp

 

An unknown of about 25 years old has been found dead, in tragic circumstances, indeed she was stabbed many times.

Last night, in a neighbouring villa, a couple heard a boy screaming for help, his death-sounding screams, his cries iced their blood, and his squealing made their blood freeze

Moreover , my dog was barking... I found it very odd. When I looked out the window of my car, a woman came out of my home and it seemed to me that the face was likely familiar to me, and when I looked I realized it was my ex-wife. A another witness passed around and saw some smoke coming out of the house while the fire was spreading rapidly.

Afterwards i called immediatly the firemen... but because of the strong wind , firemen had difficulty stopping the fire.

 


I then went to a detective gave him his physical description for it to stop. Here is the perfect physical description of the culprit made by her man : The culprit was a woman, she was student in 2nd year of tub ferry, high school diploma. She had the smoother and silky clear mahogany hair which reflected vitality . The eyes were brown, they shone and inspired confidence but well drawn. Her lips were red and thin but drawn well. Her very slim waist was a proof of her, its flexibility and its dynamism. Her clothing reflected her elegance and her discerning taste. She had a beaming smile which inspired the politeness, sympathy and confidence. She had a crazy passion for the music. Every night before getting me to sleep, she would sing me a song in French or in English, but in a melodious voice. It was my pleasant wife; I liked her very much.

I explained to her that she must surely be jealous that I left him for someone else and she vange(le verbe vanger je ne sais pas comment cela se dit) on my wife.

 


Detective Sony is still convinced that he will be able to solve the case. He told me that he had found quite a few indications that would help him in his investigation. In the crowd of onlookers, he had noticed some very odd people who could well have something to do with the murder.

And he was right, thanks to the perfect description of the witness, he was able to recognize the culprit, and she was arrested and will be sentenced for murder.

Anonyme
Posté le 6 mars 2015

Ou bien quelqu'un d'autre, du moment qu'on me corrige c'est le principale 


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