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Sujet du devoir
Bonjour,
Consigne: Inventer une histoire qui doit faire peur, entre 150 et 200 mot. En utilisant tous les temps du passé et 2 ou 3 connecteurs logique.
Voici mon travail je voudrais savoir s'il y'a des faute ?
merci.
Où j'en suis dans mon devoir
During a stormy night of 19th century, old men went to sleep around one in the morning after listening a radio. When a strange little girl knocked at the door. She was dressed in a white dress, she had long blond hair. The man asked her why is she hanging out at this time. She did not answer him. He then asked her if she wanted to drink or eat. But she replied by a nod and left. The next day, at same hours, the strange little girl came home the old man. He asked her the same as the day before and the girl has acted the same way that the previous day. Then she disappeared, which is odd… The next night he was not surprised that the girl had come back. he invited him to stay for the night and to her surprise, she agreed. But this night the man found no sleep he rose for listen the radio. misfortune came, a police message cut the music. The message was : « Attention all, we inform you that a strange little girl walks in the city. She is dressed in white dress and has long blonde hair, she has red eyes. She was last seen in before a large black house. If you have seen this girl do not talked with her. And does not invited especially not at home. It's a serial killer. It's a ghost, yes, because she died there two years and she has returned for revenge. This girl did not a heart she is cruel and ruthless. be careful ! » Then the old man turned to see if the girl was still asleep and saw her standing there nodding arm. The man fell dead. The legend says that when you are going to spend the night in this home, it is important not to think of the little girl with red eyes, otherwise, she will return during the night for you murder...
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During a stormy night of 19th century, an old man (singulier et pas pluriel) went to sleep around one in the morning after listening to the radio, when a strange little girl knocked at the door. She was dressed in a white dress. (attention à la ponctuation) She had long blond hair. The man asked her why she was hanging out at that time. She did not answer him. Then he asked her if she wanted to drink or eat. But she replied by a no /she said no (to nod: faire un hochement de tête affirmatif et pas négatif)and left. The next day, at the same hour, the strange little girl went to see the old man again. He asked her the same thing as the day before and the girl acted (Preterit et pas present perfect: car c'est le temps de la narration ) the same way as the previous day.
A partir de là, je souligne les fautes (à vous de les corriger)
Then she disappeared, which is(à mettre au preterit) odd… The next night he was not surprised that the girl had come back.he (après un point il faut une...) invited him (il l'a invité :l'= la fille, donc se traduit par...) to stay for the night and to her surprise( mauvais adjectif passessif: c'est sa surprise à lui, donc "sa" ici se traduit par...), she agreed. But this night the man found no sleep (manque ponctuation)he rose for listen the radio: . misfortune came, a police message cut the music. The message was : « Your Attention please, we inform you that a strange little girl walks (à mettre au present continu/progressif) in the city. She is dressed in ¤ white dress( ¤:manque article) and has long blond hair, she has red eyes. She was last seen in (?il manque une info,) before a large black house (before est temporel. "devant" pour indiquer un lieu se dit....) . If you have seen this girl do not talked (impératif négatif)with her. And does not invited (impératif négatif) her especially at home. It's a serial killer(il s'agit de la fille ;le pronom personnel qui convient est donc...). It's a ghost (idem), yes, because she died there two years ¤(incomplet: "il y a" 2ans) and she has returned for revenge.
Je corrige la fin à nouveau
This girl does not have a heart :she is cruel and ruthless. Be careful ! »
Then the old man turned to see if the girl was still asleep and saw her standing and point her arm towards him. The man instantly fell dead.
The legend says that when you are going to spend the night in this home, it is important not to think of the little girl with red eyes, otherwise, she will return during the night to kill /murder you...
REMARQUES:
ex: Elle est venue pour le tuer:She came to murder/kill him (le verbe est toujours "tout nu":pas de ed , pas de ing)
ex: cette correction est pour toi:this correction is for you
2.le verbe "écouter ": "listen" est toujours suivi de to, (si un cod suit)
ex: il écoute ¤ la radio: he's listening to the radio
J'espère que mon travail t'aura aidé