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Sujet du devoir
Bonjour pourriez-vous corriger mon devoir?Merci d'avance.
Il faut rédiger une rédaction dans laquelle on raconte sa première semaine de vacances en utilisant le prétérit. Merci de me répondre au plus vite.
Où j'en suis dans mon devoir
Voici ma rédaction:
On Saturday, I woke up sick and I had breakfast quietly in front of my television and suddently, my brother arrived and insisted on to watch episodes of Naruto with me and played video games until te dinner and during the evening and we slept at 0:05 am.
On Sunday, yet sick, Alexis and me watched episodes of our favourite manga after the breakfast and the lunch then we played video games on the Playstation 3. At the hour of the dinner, we ate a delicious meal . After the feast, me and my friendly borther played on our game of combat and went comfortably in our beds.
Fortunately I felt very good monday.I woke up early (9:00 am) and , me and my brohter, jogged in walking the dogs but it was difficult.We ate at noon because, we and our sister Alison, had basketball at 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm during the week except the week-end.After that, we yet played video games before and after the dinner.
On Tuesday, my brother and me jogged this time without the dogs and walked them apart. We ate a meal wich was scrumptious, and we went to the gymnasium. After that, I did my homework and we ate .And finally, my brother and me watched a Naruto's film.
After the sport , the walk of our doggies;during the Wednesday morning; and the lunch, we went the gymnasium for the session of basketball. We came back at home tired but happy, aferwards, I did my homeworks. My sister, my brother and me went with my dear mother to the mass (it was the beginning of Lent) and arrived late at home for the dinner.I decided to read my book during the evening slept at 11:40 pm.
On Thursday,I jogged alone and walk only Quito because, Alexis and the other dog,Gribouille were exhausted by the sport. And as usual, wen went to the gymnasium after the lucnh and I did my homework. Then we ate raviolli at cheese and played at video games.
Because of the bad weather, I woke up quietly and I didn't do my jogging and walk my doggies, then, I had breakfast and did my homework. Friday was the last day before the week-end so, it was the last session of basketball. It was harsh but we were pleased. After that I did ,as asual,my homework and I played at the WII U with my brother and my sisters after the dinner. We slept at 11:00 pm.
On Saturday, I woke up early without do my jogging because I decided it was rest during the week-end! We had breakfast, lunch, dinner , this time ,in family because dad didn't work through the week-end. I did my homework to get rid of it ,until the arrival of my parents. As soon as I finished to read my book, I played video games with my brother and my sisters during the evening.
On Sunday,I went to the church at 11:00 am and I played video games during the afternoon. We watched together a film wich was very good and we ate a delicious meal. After that, my brother and me surfed on the web and we went to bed very late.
4 commentaires pour ce devoir
Je trouve que ton texte n'est pas très structuré et un peu "brut", personnellement, je ne trouve pas que le premier paragraphe soit très pertinent. Et, tu pars sur une plutôt bonne idée dans ton texte mais il te manque un peu de grammaire et de structure. N'hésite pas à demander si tu veux de l'aide :)
Ton texte est assez bien, mais si tu veux avoir des points supplémentaires il faut que tu mettes un peu plus de vocabulaire etc. Sinon c'est une bonne structure mais essaye de développer davantage et de rajouter du vocabulaire. ;) Adel-62
Le premier paragraphe est vraiment a revoir, il est brut et ne veux pas dire grand chose
Ils ont besoin d'aide !
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J'ai essayé de corriger mais rien que ton premier paragraphe ne veut rien dire. Est-ce que tu peux dire ce que tu as voulu écrire en français ? Ce sera plus simple pour t'aider.