correction de texte test d'anglais

avatar marinouxe
marinouxe
Publié le 12 déc. 2010 il y a 3A Fin › 14 déc. 2010 3A
5

SUJET DU DEVOIR

Bonjour, Pourriez vous me dire s'il y a beaucoup de fautes dans le texte ci dessous ? Merci d'avance !!

OÙ J'EN SUIS DANS MON DEVOIR

I am a young writer under 18. I am very passionate about writing and newspapers have already published some short novels of mine. Recently a presentation of my work was published in the Times thanks to a challenge which I have won (car toujours une conséquence dans le présent?). The aim was to finish a novel in the same spirit of the beginning.
I share my time between New York where live with my family and Paris where I take lesson in the “Conservatoire national supérieur d'art dramatique”. Indeed, moreover this writer work, I have played theatre since I am five years old and I made two apparitions in movies which a French movie with a famous French actor named Guillaume Canet. I join an extract of the movie and a piece from one of my work; a short story named Happiest Nightmare.
The main character of Happiest Nightmare is an anonymous girl. The reader unknowns her name, her age and the reason that she is being here. Between dream and reality, she explores a landscape which seems disconnected from our world. Dazzled by the magnificence of the place, all looks perfect to her. But it is too beautiful to be real how becomes aware the reader thanks to disturbing elements. The reader only understands in the last sentence why all was so strange to him.
I know your collection “1sth short novel” and I think my story is exactly in your editorial policy. By using the five senses of the character, the writer, I propose to bury the reader into the heart of an “unknown and disoriented environment”, your collection’s devise.

4 commentaires pour le devoir correction de texte test d'anglais

zalacain
zalacain
3A
i'm a writing addict.I share my life between N.Y .where I live with my family and Paris where I'm taught by conservatoire....Indeed,I have been playing in theatre since I was 5 and I still play today.I 've managed in the same time to open the cinema doors with two apparitions ;one with G.Canet.To convince you about this strange but really fascinating piece of life, I join you an extract of the movie and an extract of my own production:happiest nightmare.

zalacain
zalacain
3A
Pas des fautes à proprement parler,du style à améliorer pour que ça soit moins lourd:phrases trop longues par endroit.The main character of Happiest nigntmare is an anonymous girl whom we don't know anything as her age nor why she's in that place.The more the reader goes on reading,the more he understands that this book's world is too perfect to be real.A little as in the novel " The children of Stepford "(enfin,à vous de donner un exemple c'est trop ennuyeux à lire ce morceau,il faut couper=faire plus court)As a reader you'll have to wait until last sentence to understand the why and the how .I know and enjoy your collection"1rst short novel". So I believe that my story is the piece which missed to your edition,because it's exactly in your editorial policy, answering to your collection devise"unknown and disoriented environment".

zalacain
zalacain
3A
il faut alléger les 5 dernières lignes qui font un peu redondance.Moi,j'ai fait une comparison avec Stepford,vous pouvez choisir un autre référent comme l'auteur Bradburry pour "les chroniques martiennes."Mais l'idée,c'est de mettre dantage en avant votre histoire.Quel est on réel plus par rapport à d'autres? elle va permettre au lecteur de s'évader et d'avoir peur en même temps?C'est ça le type d'argument qui manque.Retravaillez la fin.

chickenmanben95
chickenmanben95
3A
Bonjour Marinouxe,

Voici ton texte corrigé:

"I am a young writer under 18. I am very passionate about writing and newspapers have already published some short novels of mine. Recently a presentation of my work was published in the Times thanks to a challenge which I have won. The aim was to finish a novel in the same spirit of the beginning.
I share my time between New York where I live with my family and Paris where I take lessons in the “Conservatoire national supérieur d'art dramatique”. Indeed, moreover this writers work, I have played theatre since I am five years old and I made two apparitions in movies which a French movie with a famous French actor named Guillaume Canet. I join an extract of the movie and a piece from one of my work; a short story named Happiest Nightmare.
The main character of Happiest Nightmare is an anonymous girl. The reader unknowns her name, her age and the reason that she is being here. Between dream and reality, she explores a landscape which seems disconnected from our world. Dazzled by the magnificence of the place, all looks perfect to her. But it is too beautiful to be real how becomes aware the reader thanks to disturbing elements. The reader only understands in the last sentence why all was so strange to him.
I know your collection “1sth short novel” and I think my story is exactly in your editorial policy. By using the five senses of the character, the writer, I propose to bury the reader into the heart of an “unknown and disoriented environment”, your collection’s devise."

Bravo! Prèsque pas de fautes!

Cordialement,

Benjamin CNED 3ème