expression écrite d'anglais

Publié le 26 févr. 2015 il y a 9A par Anonyme - Fin › 6 mars 2015 dans 9A
5

Sujet du devoir

bonjours, je doit faire une expression écrite en anglais j'aimerais que vous m'aidiez a corriger  mes erreurs

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

I deal with police brutally  in the usa. Actually in usa There are many brutaly police, every year about 10 black personnes are killed by police man , it’s far too much.  For exemple Michael Brown case ,mickael is black tenager, he is 18 years old  he was shot and killed on Aug. 9 by white police officer, darren wilson. When the police officer shot on mr.brown, the tenager was unarmed but there are differents version. According darren wilson, the tenagers hit him and he shoot mickael to selph defance he fired 4 gun shoot but the autopsy prove the police man fired 6 gun shot. According michael’s  friend, him and michael were walking in the middle of a street, and when the police man arrived, they ran away, after the police man shoted on  Mr. Brown and the tenager had his hands in the air and said : « don’t shoot, i’m unarmed ». despite that the juge decided to no indict the police man because they are not enough  evidences. In the aftermath, next this decision many people was upsets. This decision set off protests in many city of united state, with slogan like « justice for all » , « I can’t breathe »it’s the sentence who said eric garner, Eric is a father and he is also killed by policeman. Other slogan as  « would you shoot me », « no justice no peace » … participants protest against brutaly policier,  the racisme of the autority,  and for the justice. Paticipants in washington to gather in front of the White House, in ferguson, persones set fire in buildings ,shops, there were also somme gunshots. The michael brown case is not the only case in united state, there are many people manly colored personne killed by policeman.

merci.

 




4 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 26 févr. 2015

ca ma l'air correct

Mettez des majucules pour les pays (USA)

5
Anonyme
Posté le 26 févr. 2015

Fais attention à la délimitation de tes phrases. 

Je ne comprends pas exactement ce que tu veux dire quand tu écris "there are many brutaly police", pourrais-tu traduire ce petit bout de phrase ?

"Policemen" et non "police man" 

Quand tu parles du cas de Michael Brown, fais attention aux répétitions. J'aurais plutôt dit "I will take Michael Brown's case for exemple. He is a..." D'ailleurs vérifie l'écriture du nom, tu l'as écrit de deux façons différentes.

"by a white police officer"

Il y a deux 'e' à "teenager"

"differents versions"

On dit "according to". To shoot est un verbe irrégulier, on dit "shot" au preterit. Je pense que "to defend himself" est plus correct et que tu devrais terminer ta phrase juste après pour recommencer avec "He said he fired 4 times..."

Tu devrais terminer ta phrase par "they ran away" et en commencer une suivante avec "Then, the policeman..."

"Judge"

"Decided not to" (oui c'est bizarre, il faut bien que la langue anglaise ait aussi ses bizarreries :) ). Et si tu mets une virgule après "Despite that", ce sera plus clair ^^

"It's the sentence that Eric Garner said" That se rapporte ici à "sentence", qui n'est pas un humain. Tu peux aussi mettre which à la place de "that", ce sera plus joli :)

"He was also killed". Si tu mets du présent simple, ça implique une habitude ou une situation répétitive. Avec du passé, tu montres qu'il est mort.

"We can note other slogans as ..."

"Brutal policemen" "the authorities' racism"

"Gathered" au lieu de 'to gather" 

"persons"  "some"  

Dans la dernière phrase, tu as déjà dit people donc tu n'as pas besoin de rajouter persons.  "policemen" si il y en a plus d'un

S'il y a des choses que tu ne comprends pas, n'hésites pas :)

Anonyme
Posté le 26 févr. 2015

I deal with police brutally in the USA. Actually in USA There are many brutally police, every year about 10 black persons are killed by police man , it’s far too much. For example Michael Brown case ,Michael is black teenager, he is 18 years old he was shot and killed on Aug. 9 by white police officer, Darren Wilson. When the police officer shot on Mr.Brown, the teenager was unarmed but there are different version. According Darren Wilson, the teenagers hit him and he shoot Michael to self deface he fired 4 gun shoot but the autopsy prove the police man fired 6 gun shot. According Michael's friend, him and Michael were walking in the middle of a street, and when the police man arrived, they ran away, after the police man shooted on Mr. Brown and the teenager had his hands in the air and said : « don’t shoot, i’m unarmed ». despite that the judge decided to no indict the police man because they are not enough evidences. In the aftermath, next this decision many people was upsets. This decision set off protests in many city of united state, with slogan like « justice for all » , « I can’t breathe »it’s the sentence who said Eric garner, Eric is a father and he is also killed by policeman. Other slogan as « would you shoot me », « no justice no peace » … participants protest against brutally policies, the racism of the authority, and for the justice. Participants in Washington to gather in front of the White House, in Ferguson, persons set fire in buildings ,shops, there were also some gunshots. The Michael brown case is not the only case in united state, there are many people manly colored person killed by policeman.

J'espere t'avoir aider :)

Anonyme
Posté le 4 mars 2015

merci beaucoup de votre aide!


Ils ont besoin d'aide !

Il faut être inscrit pour aider

Crée un compte gratuit pour aider

Je m'inscrisOU

J'ai déjà un compte

Je me connecte