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Je passe bientôt mon oral blanc d'anglais et j'ai besoin au plus vite que l'on m'aide à corriger mon travail (syntaxe, grammaire, conjugaisons ... ) pour pouvoir ensuite commencer à apprendre mon texte.
Je compte sur vous !
Où j'en suis dans mon devoir
Nowadays, technology is evolving very fast; it allows good progress in diverse areas: industry, science but also the comfort of life/everyday comfort. Robots are developed, to improve our standard of living, for example in the kitchen with the Household Equipment.
So we are going to develop the importance of the technology in our daily life
Firstly we shall see the different forms of technological progress and the impact on living conditions, and on personal and social relationship, then we shall study those who chose a “simple life” .
I. The different forms of technological progress and the impact on daily life
Technology evolved enormously during these last years. We are going to see two technologies which became daily have entered everyday life: the computer and the mobile.
The first computer was created to facilitate the calculations. It fast became an essential and very useful device. Nowadays, in France, nearly one out of three families has several computers. Thereby, everybody uses it to research look for information, to watch films, or to play video-games… Otherwise the first mobile was created by Motorola. We could only phone with it and it was very big. Nowadays, cellphones are small, nice and has have a lot of activities (take photos, play games, surf the net than to phone phoning).
However, these wonderful devices can become dangerous. Let us take the example of computers, with the Net for example. Some people can become addict to these technology and it's dangerous because this these persons can move away from their families or his friends until the isolation. And, in general it's same with the phones, because we use mobile for example, it all the time, often for nothing, just to pass the time. And these act change the relationships because we can make “virtual” friends, and there are less real conversations.
II. Certain people chose a “simple life”
Recently, days "anti-technology" are organized with the aim of so that people realize their addictions to the technology. There are the day “no-facebook” for example. And at the particular school, like in the Lincoln High school where an English teacher was organized for five voluntary students, during four days, a tech-free experience. And in my opinion, I think that it's a very interesting experience for open our eyes about the place of technology in our life.
Moreover, a few people live without technologies, they live in a forest without water, electricity, and they live a simple live, as before. It's like in the movie « Into the wild » where Alexander decided to live in the wild, at the center of Alaska, far away of the technology.
In conclusion, we can say that nowadays the technology take a large place in our society with many qualities like improve the everyday, but also many default for the new generation for example. And nevertheless we can see that some people try to change and help the people who are bearing the bad aspect. Let us take the example of people who make a therapy in a farm, for example, for disconnect a young of the technology.
11 commentaires pour ce devoir
I. The different forms of technological progress and the impact on daily life
Technology evolved enormously during these last years. We are going to see two technologies which became a big part of our life: the computer and the mobile.
Firstly, the computer was created to facilitate the calculations. Quickly it became an essential and very useful device . Nowadays, in France, nearly one out of three families has several computers. Thereby, everybody use it to research, look for information, to watch films, or to play video-games… Otherwise the first mobile was created by Motorola.At that time we only could phone with it and the size was very big. Nowadays, cellphones are small, nice and have a lot of application , we can take photos , play games , surfing while calling to someone...
However , these wonderful devices can become dangerous . Let's take the example of computers, whith the Net for example. Some people can become addicted to those technology , and it's dangerous , because those person can move away from their families or their friends until the isolation. And ,in general , it's the same for phones , we tend to use them for nothing, just to pass the time. Acting like this can change a lot of things , because we think that making virtual friends is the same thing to have a real conversation.
II. Some people have chosen a “simply life”
Recently, days of "anti-technology" are organized with the goal of making people realize they have addictions to the technology.There is the day “no-facebook” for example. And at the particular school, like in the Lincoln High school where an English teacher was organized for five voluntary students, during four days, a tech-free experience(??????). In my opinion,( I think) [Tu ne peut pas écrire " Pour mon opinion je pense,car tu te rèpète, tu dis soit In my opinion soit I think] that it's a very interesting experience to make us aware about the place of technology in our life.
Moreover, a few people live without technologies, they live in a forest without water, electricity, and they live a simply life, as before. It's like in the movie « Into the wild » where Alexander decided to live in the wild, at the center of Alaska, far away of the technology.
To conclued, we can say that nowadays the technology takes a large place in our society with many qualities like improving the daily life, but also many default for the new generation . And nevertheless we can see that some people try to change and help the people who are bearing the bad aspect( ???). Let's take the example of people who make a therapy in a farm,to disconnect a young of the technology.(????)
Si j'ai mis (????) c'est que je n'ai pas compris ce que tu as voulus dire.
voilà
Merci beaucoup pour ton aide !
Pour ce que tu n'as pas compris : tech-free experience, c'est une expérience sans technologie, en classe nous avons étudier un reportage sur un lycée qui organisais ça etc ... J'en ais parler dans mon développement.
help the people who are bearing the bad aspect, je voulais dire que les personne aide les jeunes qui on en eux les mauvais aspect de la technologie, comme être un no-life par exemple ... Mais j'ai pas du bien expliquer ce que je voulais dire...
to disconnect a young of the technology, pour ça je voulais dire, qu'ils font une thérapie dans une ferme qui fait se "deconnecter" les jeunes de la technologie, car ils sont occupés a fabriquer les poulailler (comme dit dans le reportage que nous avons vue en court)
Pense tu pouvoir m'aider a reformuler ces deux phrases ? Si oui, merci d'avance !
Oui je comprend mieux ( j’espère que tu liras mon message) , je te met les corrections :
1)And at the particular school, like in the Lincoln High school where an English teacher organized for five voluntary students, during four days, a tech-free experience. ->>> on ne dit pas was organized car ce n'est pas le professeur qui est organisé , dans le cas où tu veux utiliser was+.... , tu mettra "the teacher was organizing.
help the people who are bearing the bad aspect
->> J'ai compris ce que tu veux dire maintenant , mais dommage pour toi tu n'a pas utiliser le bon verbe , car to bear something , ça prend le sens de supporter quelque chose ou porter dans le sens de porter un vêtement, mais pour ce que tu veux dire on dirait plutôt :
Help the people who have difficulties with the bad consequences of technology.
to disconnect a young of the technology
->>tu dis "people who make a therapy" puis ensuite par hasard tu passe au singulier "to disconnect a young of the technology" -> c'est une erreur bête mais fais y attention.
Donc cela donne comme correction : to disconnect the young generation of the technology.
PS: En effet comme le précise june65 : fastly n'existe pas , c'est une erreur de ma part , je l'ai corrigé.
Voilà j'èspère que je t'ai aidé. :)
Etant nouvelle sur ce site, je ne sais pas si ce message vous parviendra ou si la discussion est close. Alors je ne traite que l'INTRO
Après avoir pris connaissance de l'aide que vous a apporté Angelius205, je me permets de rectifier quelques erreurs
INTRO:
Nowadays, technology is progressing very fastly (1); it allows (good) progress in diverse areas:(2) industry, science but also the comfort of life/everyday comfort(3). Robots are developed to improve our standard of living, for example in the kitchen with the Household Equipment.
So we (4)are going to develop (5)(about) the importance of (the) technology in our daily life
Firstly we will see (6)the different forms of technological progress and the impact on living conditions, on personal and social relationship.Then we will study those who have chosen a “simply life” (7) .
- Votre phrase était très correcte . Fastly n'existe pas ! je propose:is evolving very fast /very quickly
- such as plutôt que ":" signifie "tels que" mot bien pratique lorsque vous voulez faire une énumération; in diverse areas such as industry, science...
- but also everyday life comfort
- I (am going) : c'est vous et vous seul qui faites l'exposé!(nous ne convient pas en Anglais)
- to develop » est bien employé .Si vous voulez varier (mot déjà utilisé), vous pouvez dire I am going to develop /speak about the importance ...
Préférez la contraction pour l'oral
- "simple life": garder votre version. Ce concept s'oppose très bien à "Technology"
Voilà si vous souhaitez que je continue, faites moi signe...
Merci angelius205 pour tes reformulations !
Et merci à june65 pour avoir corriger les erreurs d'angelius, je veux bien par ailleurs, que vous continuiez à corriger ses fautes .. De plus j'aime beaucoup le fait que vous expliquez pourquoi il y a une erreur car je pense que cela peut, en outre, m'aider :)
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Nowadays, technology is progressing very fast; it allows good progress in diverse areas: industry, science but also the comfort of life/everyday comfort. Robots are developed, to improve our standard of living, for example in the kitchen with the Household Equipment.
So we are going to develop about the importance of the technology in our daily life
Firstly we will see the different forms of technological progress and the impact on living conditions, on personal and social relationship, then we will study those who have chosen a “simply life” .