Ecrit sur un sujet se rapportant à la société de consommation. Besoin d'une recorrection.

Sujet du devoir

A) What kind of consumer am I ?
B) How would I spend €2 million on travel ?
C) 2 ads with a different target audience.
Des graphiques complètent le sujet mais je demnde uniquement une recorrection.
Merci !

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

A) Like most of people, my spending goes on household bills and groceries, I spend 38% of my current monthly budget on it. Rents are rather expensive and the bills increase with the time, all the more my apartment heats thanks to electricity, which is more expensive than gas. I also dedicate 30 % to the groceries. At home, I am not the only one to eat so the budget is bigger than if I was alone.
Only 5 % of my budget goes on IT Devices. Indeed my cellphone and my laptop cost very few to me given that I have one subscription for both.
Every month, I spend 3 % for my insurance, the doctor... I need a medical follow-up because I have some health problems since I was born. Consequently, I chose the best health insurance to have less spending by myself.
Looking at pie chart 1.1 and 1.2, 25 % goes on my leisure spending. I think that leisure is important to relax after work. I particularly enjoy travelling to go to see my friends and family but also to visit and discover new cultures. I have already visited the whole France and some countries in America. Moreover, cinema and museums are an integral part in my life. I enjoy going out alone or with company and sharing great moments. I am very close of my circle of acquaintances which justifies the 10% of my budget dedicated to gifts. I sometimes go to Night Clubs but I prefer to go to the restaurant or bars where it is easier to talk with friends.
Every day I get the newspapers and I take out a subscription to “Cosmopolitan” and “Vogue”, nevertheless I use reductions on the Internet. So I only spend 5% on books and newspapers.
In order to reduce my budget, I try to find alternative of payment online.

B)I have always hoped to live without limitations and have more fun than work. First, I would like to dedicate 30 % to go on a World tour, perhaps alone. Discovering new cultures and sharing time with people from the worldwide would be a magical experience. Currently I travel a lot but I can’t afford all the travels I want. With this money, India, Africa and Japan would be my first destinations, and then I would love to visit European and American countries.
In a second time, I would offer so journeys to my family. My sister just got married and I could give a honeymoon to her husband and her. Later I would get a travel to my second sister, when she would have decided the destination.
Obviously, I would travel with my friends and share more time with them. So 20 % of my budget would be for us. We would probably go in an Exotic country, in Safari… in order to relax and have free time. When I would travel alone, I would buy gifts and souvenirs for my close relation. With this €2 million, I would probably be more generous than I could be at the moment.
When I would be in hostels, I wouldn’t stay in expensive and smart hostels but decent hostels would fit the bill. Some youth hostels propose several performances in a great environment that’s why I would sometimes stay in it.
Nevertheless, I wouldn’t spend all of my money in travel. I would love to give money on community outreach as I do currently. 5 % of my budget which represents € 100 000 could help many people.
Moreover, I would choose to invest for retirement. Even if I would have lot of money, I wouldn’t stop working and travel. It is important to continue to live simply and to take care of its descendants.

C)This ad targets students with a low budget. Champagny-en-Vanoise isn’t the most famous ski resort in France but one can have several services. If the free equipment rental is free, most of student could discover several activities like snowbike, snowboard… It is also possible to go with friends in a chalet which is less expensive and more fun.
This second ad targets a rich audience. This four destination interest many people from the upper-class. Furthermore, go on travel whereas someone has already prepare the journey is more relaxing than if one has to prepare all by oneself. A travel agency enables to have more fun and no fuss. These journeys everywhere on the world would be destinations out of reach without lot of money.