Correction de ma notion "Idea of progress"

Publié le 18 févr. 2017 il y a 7A par Anonyme - Fin › 20 févr. 2017 dans 7A
3

Sujet du devoir

Je suis en train de faire ma notion d'anglais pour le bac, et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pouvais corriger mes fautes sur une partie de ma notion seulement.. 

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

Many celebrities like Emma Watson are part of feminist and struggle for respect and equality.
The 20 september 2014, Mrs.Watson makes a speech in favour the women at a special event for the «HeforShe» campaign. She the UN women ambassador.
In her speech, her role was to advocating for the rights of young women, but also to defende the «HeForShe» Campaign, which promotes gender equality. When she was talking, she used example of her life. She explain that many women starting dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want appear «muscly». That when women want to take the directive, they are called «bossy» but not men. She affirm that it's also right that women should be able the decisions about their own body. There are a human rights. The society impose limits which shoudn't reason to exist.
In 1995, Hillary Clinton made a famous speech about women rights. But many of things that she said are remained dead letter. Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. But the gender strereotype affects also men. They shouln't cry because it's weak. They doesn't ask for help for fear it would make them look less «macho».
Moreover, their fighting concern also the wages that they have compared to men.
Emma Watson said: «The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes».

Now let's turn to the expression «Glass Ceiling» which represente a barrier for women.
The «glass ceiling» metaphor refer to this invisible barrier (glass) in the work place which prevents woman from gaining access to top position and to the highest rungs of the social ladder (Ceiling). Many women are determined to debunk cultural stereotypes that cast women primarily in the roles of stay at home mothers in a male dominated society. In order to reduce this phenomenon, men should share half the parenting load, women would fine it possible to break the Glass Ceiling and fully engage in a demanding professional career. Although it's essential for both men and women to share the household chores and the education of children, this is clearly not sufficient to help women climb the last rungs of the social ladder. It is society and mentalities that must change to allow both parents to combine work and family. Hillary Clinton for example ran for the presidency which must surely be seen as the highest «Glass Ceiling» in the USA. Sheryl Sandberg in her book «Lean in» thinks that the assessment of the situation remains highly controversial among woman themselves who do not believe the glass Ceiling is due to an ambition gap that could be bridged by simple encouraging woman to go further in by presenting them with female role models who have made it. For them it is a work environment in the highest spheres that is hostile to woman who are discouraged from obtaining the most powerful and prestigious job when they have children.
Promoting equality in the workplace expands far beyond corporations and their social responsibility. Allowing women to reach the top positions would not only be fair to them, it would also benefit society at large as it would increase the talent pool in the workforce. It is everyone's responsibility to address a full range of barriers women face on their way up, including gender bias and discrimination that see women as less worthy to lead.


There are not any country who exist with a perfect equality between men and women. But the organizations which have been created since 1897, promote the improvement of equality. Due to the lack of respect and attention, they were forced to struggle by the violence and thus, they were bring about polemic. Thanks to that, the women succeeded to be hearded especially for the right to vote. Their struggle doesn't stop here, owing to stereotypes imposed by the society, women fight for be what they really are. And to consider them just like men.
Now a day, the progress is steady.




1 commentaire pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 18 févr. 2017

revois déjà les for + ing ou un nom et les to + infinitif! il y a plein d'erreurs (qui vont s'entendre!)

vérifie aussi les sssss avec la 3e p du singulier

choisis entre passé et présent!

il y a aussi qq pbs avec singulier/pluriel

simplifie tes longues phrases, tu vas te perdre (et le jury aussi!)

corrige déjà tout ça, je relis après promis!

ps: c'est pour un oral?

tu peux enfin faire deux trois phrases sur ton opinion, la situation en france ou ailleurs... dans l'idée d'élargir (comme dans tte conclusion)


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