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Sujet du devoir
Bonjour,J'ai une expresssion écrite à rendre. Je l'ai terminé. J'aimerais juste que vous y jetiez un coup d'oeil et me disiez si il y a des fautes.
Voici le sujet : Imagine how you will spend your first salary. (300 words)
Merci d'avance.
Où j'en suis dans mon devoir
Everyone knows that the wage is important, due to the fact that it allows us to live without being worry about fondamental things like to have food or a roof. The first salary is special, it is unforgettable. I'm going to imagine how I will spend my first salary.Firstly, if it's my first salary this presupposes that I'm young, so I would save money to try to leave my parents (if it's not already done). To leave the nest require some money, that's why I think it's a good idea to save it. We can't live confortably if we don't make money, it seems necessarly to survive, so save it since your young can be a great idea.
On an other hand, it's the first time I would have my money, mine, the one I would have by the sweat of my brow. As a consequence, it seems just, fair and legitimate to spend it how I want, including to squander it. I would perhaps indulge myself by doing a day of shopping with my friends or go to the cinema. Maybe I will buy useless things. I will never forget my first salary, so I'll need to celebrate it. If the amount is relatively high, I suppose I would allow me more, as organize a party or excessively buy a car.
On my point of view the way I'm going to spend my money doesn't care, the essential thing is that it will makes me happy.
Theses are just suppositions, I don't know yet how I would spend my first salary. To summarize, I want to mentionnned that there are lots of ways to spend it, but the better one will be the one you'll choose.
5 commentaires pour ce devoir
Merci pour les quelques conseils.
Pour ma part il y a un peu trop de répétition par rapport au mot salaire et tu te perds un peu dans la manière d'expliquer de quelle façon tu va le dépenser .
Mais ce n'est pas mal dans l'ensemble.Je remanierai juste un peu ce que je t'ai dit .
Bon courage et bonne année.
Mais ce n'est pas mal dans l'ensemble.Je remanierai juste un peu ce que je t'ai dit .
Bon courage et bonne année.
Voici la correction (pour info je suis en licence d'anglais).
Everyone knows that wage is important, due to the fact that it allows us to live without being worried about fondamental things like having food or shelter. The first salary is special, it is unforgettable. I'm going to imagine how I'll spend my first one.
To begin, if it's my first salary, it's probably that I'm young, and that I would save money to leave my parents (if it's not already done). To leave the nest requires some money, that's why I think it's a good idea to save it. We can't live comfortably if we don't have money; it seems necessary to survive, so save it while you're still young can be a great idea.
On an other hand, it's the first time I would have my money, mine, the one I would have by the sweat of my brow. As a consequence, it seems just, fair and legitimate to spend it the way I like, and even to squander it. I would perhaps indulge myself by doing a day of shopping with my friends or by going to the movies. Maybe I'll buy useless things. I'll never forget my first salary, so I'll need to celebrate it. If the amount is relatively high, I suppose I'd take the liberty of organizing a party or more excessively, buying a car.
On my point of view, I don't care the way I'll spend my money, as long as I'm happy.
Theses are just suppositions, I don't know yet how I would spend my first salary. To summarize, I want to mention that there are lots of ways to spend it, but the better one will be the one you'll choose.
Everyone knows that wage is important, due to the fact that it allows us to live without being worried about fondamental things like having food or shelter. The first salary is special, it is unforgettable. I'm going to imagine how I'll spend my first one.
To begin, if it's my first salary, it's probably that I'm young, and that I would save money to leave my parents (if it's not already done). To leave the nest requires some money, that's why I think it's a good idea to save it. We can't live comfortably if we don't have money; it seems necessary to survive, so save it while you're still young can be a great idea.
On an other hand, it's the first time I would have my money, mine, the one I would have by the sweat of my brow. As a consequence, it seems just, fair and legitimate to spend it the way I like, and even to squander it. I would perhaps indulge myself by doing a day of shopping with my friends or by going to the movies. Maybe I'll buy useless things. I'll never forget my first salary, so I'll need to celebrate it. If the amount is relatively high, I suppose I'd take the liberty of organizing a party or more excessively, buying a car.
On my point of view, I don't care the way I'll spend my money, as long as I'm happy.
Theses are just suppositions, I don't know yet how I would spend my first salary. To summarize, I want to mention that there are lots of ways to spend it, but the better one will be the one you'll choose.
erreur : fUndamental et non pas fondamental
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je pense aussi que t'airais pas due mettre le " I'm going to imagine ... " parce que sa fait très "je le fais parce que c'est un sujet de devoir !"
Le " Firstly " oublie le ! Avec la répétion d'après, ça le fait pas ! Met plutôt " Well, if it's my first salary, I could be young so I think I'll put some money aside to have my own flat and stop leaving with my parents ( if it will be not yet )."