Rédaction Anglais (correction des fautes)

Publié le 23 févr. 2011 il y a 13A par Anonyme - Fin › 25 févr. 2011 dans 13A
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Sujet du devoir

Je dois rendre un texte en anglais vendredi (juste avant les vacances), et j'aurais aimé que quelqu'un me corrige mes fautes et m'explique le pourquoi de mes erreurs. Voila, merci d'avance et bonnes vacances pour ceux qui ont la chance d'y être :) .

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

Voici le texte :

"First of all, we wanted to redraw the high school in order to make modifications like an architect when he improves a building. Thus, we didn't color what we didn't change and we colored the remainder to emphasize it (To have an aspect more finished, we passed the outlines to the Indian ink). In addition, we wanted to keep a large number of windows because they are source of light and of heat.

For the environmental side of the drawing, we decided to put solar panels on the roof and a wind mill in the playground. They would be used to heat classrooms and water for a great respect of nature. Moreover, we replaced the tar by grass to have more color and always to protect nature. Lastly, like pollution comes mainly from means of transports, we added an arrangement to bicycles to encourage the high-school pupils to use these means of transport.

For the utopian part, we wanted to create a colored and pleasant high school. Indeed, by replacing the trees by colored palm trees the high school becomes more welcoming. Then, we thought of putting a hammock so that the pupils can come to rest quietly outside. The plane which pulls the slogan refers to the summer's planes which pass above beaches.

Moreover, the choice of the slogan is very important, it's to some extent a pun between the themes of the subject: the environment and the high school. So, it shows that he can and must have a link between them.

The purpose of our work is to disorient the persons frequenting the establishment and to sensitive them in front of the dangers of the pollution and the overconsumption."



2 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 24 févr. 2011
"First of all, we wanted to redraw the high school in order to make modifications like an architect would do when he improves a building. Thus, we didn't color what we didn't change and we colored the remaining to emphasize it (To make it look more finished, we passed the outlines to the Indian ink). In addition, we wanted to keep a large number of windows because they are a major source of light and heat.

For the environmental side of the drawing, we decided to put solar panels on the roof and a windmill near the playground. The energy that gotten from the panels and the windmills would be used to heat classrooms and water for a great respect of nature. Moreover, we replaced the tar by grass to have more color and always to protect nature. Lastly, since pollution comes mainly from means of transports, we added an arrangement to bicycles to encourage the high-school pupils to use them.

For the utopian part, we wanted to create a colored and pleasant high school. Indeed, by replacing the trees by colored palm trees the high school becomes more attractive to visitors and new students. Then, we thought of putting a hammock so that the pupils can come to rest quietly outside. “The plane which pulls the slogan refers to the summer's planes which pass above beaches.” La je voix vraiment pas ce que tu veux dire.

The choice of the slogan is also very important, it had to relate to the themes of the subject: the environment and the high school. So, it shows that it can and must have a link between them.

The purpose of our work is to disorient the people frequenting the establishment and to sensitive them in front of the dangers of the pollution and the overconsumption."

Voila, malgres mon jeune age(14 ans) j'ai frequente une ecole americaine et ceci pendant 2 ans, donc je pense pouvoir te corriger, a toi de voir si ca te plait.
Anonyme
Posté le 24 févr. 2011
Dans le premier paragraphe tu devrais ecrire:

Thus, we didn't color what we didn't change, we colored the remaining to emphasize it (To make it look more finished, we passed the outlines to the Indian ink)"

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