voyage dans le temps help me! please corrige me!

Publié le 6 nov. 2017 il y a 4A par Anonyme - Fin › 9 nov. 2017 dans 4A
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1

Sujet du devoir

imagine you can travel back to the past;write a story describing your arrival in the period of your choice.

 

It was in 1980, I had arrived in my father's house, he was the same age as me and I could see my grandfather and my grandmother. I then explained to my father and my grandparents that I were coming from the future, they did not believe me and they made fun of me. But after showing the photos of my father and mother, my grandparents finally realized that I was in their family. The problem is that my father did not believe me, he was really arrogant. I took my bag and I took in my bag a letter from my father of the future, then I passed this letter to my father from the past. When my father from the past had read the letter, he immediately understood the situation and he immediately trusted me. After a long discussion with my father from the past, I went to see my mother's family.
My mother's family reacted in the same way as my father's family, but then after a very long explanation, they realized that I was in their family. I talked a little with my mother from the past and I went back to my father's house. My father's family was very poor, but now my father's family has become rich thanks to the knowledge I had acquired in the future. I even gave my mother a cookbook to learn how to cook. I gave gifts to all the family of my father and mother of the past so that he does not forget me.




5 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 7 nov. 2017

Salut ! j'espère pouvoir t'aider avec ces quelques conseils, pour ce qui est de la "correction", je n'ai relever que ça : ligne 3 : "I was" "they didn't = they did not", ensuite tu pourrais utiliser une autre tournure comme : "they start making fun of me", "I took a letter which was in my bag this whole time, it was handwritten by my actual dad, I passed it..." et dernière ligne : "they" au lieu de "he"

C'est un bon texte avec de bonnes idées je trouve, n'hésites pas à supprimer quelques "father's/mother's family", et "of the past" ça allège le texte et ça ne nuit pas du tout à la compréhension !

Voilà bon courage :)

 

Anonyme
Posté le 7 nov. 2017

bonjour, oui mais comment je fais pour enlever ou remplacer "father's/mother's family" et "of the past".

Anonyme
Posté le 7 nov. 2017

"father's/mother's family" et "of the past" :

tu peux les remplacer par :

"parents", "dad", "mom" et "many years ago", "decades ago", "to the man/woman he/she was a few years ago"

Anonyme
Posté le 7 nov. 2017

bonjour et merci, je crois que je vais essayé de remplacer.

Et pour "father of the futur/past" comment je fait

Anonyme
Posté le 7 nov. 2017

tu pourrais remplacer par "my future father", même si ça ne change pas les mots, ça casse quand même la logique de répétition. Mais c'est aussi moins joli à dire, donc peut-être simplement les laisser, plutôt que de les remplacer par moins bien !


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