expression

Publié le 19 nov. 2011 il y a 12A par Anonyme - Fin › 22 nov. 2011 dans 12A
5

Sujet du devoir

Je dois raconter un "obstacle" que j'ai eu dans ma vie. Est-ce que vous pouvez me corriger mes fautes s'il vous plait,
et si c'est possible me rajouter deux ou trois phrases, ou me donner des idées en plus car je n'ai pas assez de mots. Merci d'avance

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

Five years ago, I did it riding with my friends. It was eight years but a bad day was arriving.


I was confronting an obstacle in my life, that a fall what I surmounted during a championship where i was hurting myself and my nose was break, i had have several fractures. If I had replaying, it was just for surmounted my fear now and not stay in this situation and the worry all my life. The failure can't being become an disability.


After several weeks and i was okay, I became weeks after weeks with sometimes a lot of abandon or worries more hard. My coach helped me really much for go pasted myself and surmounted my fear. In spite of my distress I determinated for recommenced and have some news medal and trophy. My family was unwilling becayse she was still frightened for me, sometimes more than me. Everybody was worried but one voice in me to saying to me "Continue again". I was wanting be pride of me and fight me, and proved my success to my family and friends.


Explain my story and disaster to people is a resurection for me, it was a motivating and it's always a motivating.


Now, I was stopping it but just because I have others passions not because of my injury. In my bedroom there is still fotographies about my first passion. That's my more beautiful victory.



5 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 19 nov. 2011
Bonjour, je nee suis qu'en seconde et ne parle pas couramment l'anglais =P j'ai vu 2-3 fautes:

my nose was BROKEN
the failure can't BE become A disability.
sometimes a lot of ABANDONING or worries more hard. My coach helped me really much TO (PS:devant un verbe il faut mettre to et non for ;) go
My family was unwilling BECAUSE (mais je pense qu'il s'agit d'une faute de frappe)
is a RESURRECTION
In my bedroom there ARE still PHOTOGRAPHS

voilà pour moi je crois que c'est tout. Bonne journée.
5
Anonyme
Posté le 20 nov. 2011
Je te l'ai retravaillé un peu

Five years ago, I went riding with my friends and something bad happened to me.

It was the first time I had been confronted one of the biggest obstacle of my life. It occured during a championship and I suddenly fell and broke my nose. I had also many broken bones.
[If I had replaying, it was just for surmounted my fear now and not stay in this situation and the worry all my life. The failure can't being become an disability] Je ne comprends pas ce que tu veux dire. Peux-tu me le mettre en français afin que je retravaille cette partie car en anglais, cela n'a pas de sens.



I finally recovered from all my wounds a few weeks later but I was still weak and worried. My coach helped me to get back in shape and encouraged me to get over all of my fears. Despite all, I decided to ride a horse again in order to win additional medals and awards. My family were against this idea because they feared for me. And their fear was somewhat stronger than mine. Everybody was worried but deep inside I knew I had to do it again. My inner voice told me "Go on riding!". That's what I did. I wanted my family to be proud of me and to fight with me. I wanted to convince them that everything was alright and that I would win my challenge.

I have learned a lesson from this accident and now I like to tell this story to my friends and how I got over my fears. It is very motivating. Although I do not ride a horse any more because I am very busy with my other hobbies, I have kept some pictures of my first passion "horseriding" to remind me of those days. Getting over my fears and my injuries was the biggest victory of my life. I am now feeling stronger than ever. When we are confronted with an obstacle, we have to remain strong and never give up. This is the key to success!



Traduction

Il ya cinq ans, je suis allé à cheval avec mes amis et quelque chose de grave est arrivé.

C'était la première fois que je fus confrontée à l'un des plus gros obstacles de ma vie. Cela s'est produit au cours d'un championnat et je suis soudain tombée et me suis cassée le nez. J'ai eu aussi beaucoup de fractures.




Je me suis finalement rétablie de toutes mes blessures quelques semaines plus tard, mais j'étais encore faible et inquiète. Mon coach m'a aidé à me rétablir en forme et m'a encouragée à surmonter toutes mes peurs. Malgré tout, j'ai décidé de remonter un cheval afin de gagner des médailles et des récompenses supplémentaires. Ma famille était contre cette idée parce qu'ils craignaient pour moi. Et leur peur était un peu plus forte que la mienne. Tout le monde était inquiet, mais au fond de moi je savais que je devais le faire à nouveau. Ma voix intérieure me dit: «Remonte sur un cheval!". C'est ce que je fis. Je voulais que ma famille soit fière de moi et se batte avec moi. Je voulais les convaincre que tout allait bien et que je gagnerais mon défi.

J'ai tiré une leçon de cet accident et maintenant je tiens à raconter cette histoire à mes amis et comment je suis arrivée à surmonter mes peurs. C'était très motivant. Bien que je ne monte plus sur un cheval parce que je suis très occupée avec mes autres passe-temps, j'ai gardé quelques photos de ma passion "l' équitation" pour me rappeler de cette époque. Surmonter mes peurs et mes blessures fut la plus grande victoire de ma vie. Je me sens plus forte que jamais. Lorsque nous sommes confrontés à un obstacle, nous devons rester forts et ne jamais abandonner. Ceci est la clé du succès!

Anonyme
Posté le 20 nov. 2011
correction ; c'est my family was against
Anonyme
Posté le 20 nov. 2011
Merci pour le texte, c'est gentil. La phrase pas trés anglaise c'était: en français :
Si j'ai recommencé, c'était juste pour surmonter/affronter ma frayeur et ne pas rester dans cette situation et dans la peur toute ma vie.
Anonyme
Posté le 20 nov. 2011
Five years ago, I went horseriding with my friends and something bad happened to me.

It was the first time I had been confronted with one of the biggest obstacle of my life. It occured during a championship and I suddenly fell and broke my nose. I had also many broken bones.
If I rode a horse again, it is mainly because I wanted to get over my fears and did not want to remain in the same situation and be afraid all my life.


I finally recovered from all my wounds a few weeks later but I was still weak and worried. My coach helped me to get back in shape and encouraged me to get over all of my fears. Despite all this, I decided to ride a horse again in order to win additional medals and awards. My family were against this idea because they feared for me. And their fear was somewhat stronger than mine. Everybody was worried but deep inside I knew I had to do it again. My inner voice told me "Go on riding!". That's what I did. I wanted my family to be proud of me and to fight with me. I wanted to convince them that everything was alright and that I would win my challenge.

I have learned a lesson from this accident and now I like to tell this story to my friends and how I got over my fears. It is very motivating. Although I do not ride a horse any more because I am very busy with my other hobbies, I have kept some pictures of my first passion "horseriding" to remind me of those days. Getting over my fears and my injuries was the biggest victory of my life. I am now feeling stronger than ever. When we are confronted with an obstacle, we have to remain strong and never give up. This is the key to success!

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