Correction texte anglais

Sujet du devoir

Bonjour, ma prof d'anglais nous a demandé de présenter demain les deux pubs radios écoutées en classe et de dire celle qu'on préfère.  On passera surement cinq minutes chacun devant la prof et on a le droit aux notes (en s'en détachant). J'ai préparé un petit texte est-ce que vous pourriez me dire s'il y'a des fautes (mais pas besoin de regarder très très très précisément ^^). Et aussi au niveau des mots de liaisons est-ce que c'est assez fluide? Ou est-ce que vous auriez des expressions que je peut utiliser à l'oral? Merci d'avance ;)

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

To start with, the first radio ad is an ad for a cause, from Greenpeace, an environmental NGO. In this ad, the age of the world is reduced to the human scale. The world switch from 4600 million years to 46 and history periods, normally spaced from thousands years follow very quickly. This ad appeals to two emotions: fear and responsibility. The goal is to sensitize listeners for they realize the emergency: world is being destroyed too quickly by humans. This ad reaches to convince people that Greenpeace is able to save the world but needs to collect funds.

Regarding to the second radio, it’s a commercial from the store brand name Ikea. A register must celebrate a wedding but he rushes (je ne sais pas si ce verbe est bien choisi mais en gros il accélère la ceremonie et la fait en quelques secondes pour courir à Ikea avant que le magasin ferme), in fact he wants to go to Ikea before it closes. The engaged couple is not allowed to take his time because the register doesn't know that the store is open until 10 p.m. . In this commercial we can notice noises, such as alliances falling on the ground, and that helps listeners to imagine the situation without images.

Both ads present a contrast between the beginning and the end. At first, it's a rush situation and at the end there is a laid-back voice who tells the brand name or the association name. Greenpeace appears as the world's savior and Ikea as the wedding's savior.

As far as I’m concerned I prefer the second ad because the subject is less serious than in the first one. Moreover I think that the attitude of the register on the beginning catch and keep the attention. We need to wait for the end to know why he is in such a hurry. I think that even if this commercial is a disaster scenario it’s also a comic situation to hear.