Correction d'un texte en Anglais

Sujet du devoir

Bonjour, j'aimerais que vous corrigiez le texte suivant si c'est possible. Merci d'avance ! (Personne qui connait l'anglais est demandé :P)

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

I am going to talk about the notion of progress. It can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change or a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. It can take differents aspects. The medical advance allow to cure some disease which kill a lot of people before like Plague. The technical progress exist through internet, social media and video game. It changed the communication between people. Before, when you sent a letter in the 19th century, you must wait some days that your letter came at your addressee. But now, it's instant thanks to e-mail. In the same way, Human create robots in order to facilitate their life. It already exist vacuum robot which clean our floor. However, a progress can be reached in the social domain. Life of some minority improve thanks to their fight to have the same right like the majority. Indeed, even in a democracy, there are always a lot of modification to perform in order to reach equality. Still as new advance, there are always advantages and drawbacks. Thus, as we saw, the progress can increase comfort, cure illness, reduce distance between country and make life easier. But also, increase productivity thanks to new technology. However, in the same time, it increase technological risk like Nuclear Plant. Some people develop a dependecy to new technologie since they are always on their computers or smartphone. Altough social network allow us to speak with our friend, our privacy is menaced. There are also global warning that scientific try to solve by using other technologie to slow down climate change.
In order to illustrate the notion, I have chosen 2 documents. The first one is a text from Globe Online focusses on an scientific breakthroughs named PGD which mean Pro-implantation Genetic Diagnosis. This new technology enable to choose the characteristics of your baby. You would like a baby with red hair or green eye, thanks to PGD, that's possible. You can even go until choose her/his personality or intelligence. But the main advance is that you can check that your future baby doesn't have genetic diseases. So thanks to it, we have the possibilite to cure rare illness. However, as all new innovation, it has drawbacks. Indeed, it can create a second-class citizens. The person who aren't created by PGD will have flaws that PGD solved. So they will be inferior to the without-flaws people. Moreover, a problem of diversity is possible. Many society display men than women. As having a boy give more advantage than having a girl, they are more chance that boys prevails in a patriachal society. In addition, ethical problem can exist. Indeed, PGD can also create the twin of a sick person in order to save him/her. The baby created become an instrument, a donnor of organ where we pick up something when we need. To my mind, it's quiet frightening to do thing like that. I don't want to be a person created only to save my brother who is sick.
The second document I chose doesn't talk about progress in medicine like the first. It deals with social progress. In the President Obama Speaks in Selma, the President wanted to expose the progress that Martin Luther King allowed. Indeed, thanks to him, Black people gained new opportunities in the USA. They are granted the same right that every american citizens. However, The civil rights movement brings other group like the Black Feminism or the Gay Liberation movement to expose their vision to the government. Now, Barack Obama said that thanks to the Marches, being guy in the USA is more accepted than 30 year ago even if it's not totally accepted nowadays. Also, Women have the same right that men. The paths toward equality is far away but this little step help to reach this aim. As I'm concern, I hope one day we reach this objective and that I will be there to see it. When we saw that people can change the world if they are together. I have worry to see dishonest people who forms group in order to impose their chaotic vision of the gouvernement. They can have bad attention and if they are quite powerful, they can delete some freedom that other good people fight to obtain it. I hope this nightmare won't become reality and that just my imagination which play with me.