Notion d'anglais : espaces et échanges

Sujet du devoir

Bonjour j'aimerais des avis sur ma notion d'espaces et échanges que je viens de terminer parce que j'ai un peu galéré à la faire donc j'aimerais savoir si elle convient : 

SPACES AND EXCHANGES :

I'm going to talk about spaces and exchanges. First of all I would like to give a definiton of this notion : an exchange is a continous movement or circulation. All types of exchanges : people, trade, media etc. How do spaces and exchanges can they make the world evolute ? To answer the question I would like to talk about the conquest of the US Territory and guns in America.

The conquest of the US Territory and the building of America were based upon violence, weapons as we can see for the Civil War, the US Revolution and the Wild West. So spaces have been modified because of guns and violent exchanges between the north and the south, the indians and the colons etc... We can illustrate that violence with the video « A Brief History of America » which relates the story of America since the pilgrims went to the New World in 1620. The pilgrims massacred the Indians (native americans) so spaces were modified by the arrival of the pilgrims with new things import from their native country. Then, the 2nd Amendment was passed which garantees the right to keep and posses a gun freely in America and it was the beginning of slave trade so with this Amendment the exchanges became more violents ; the pilgrims who were afraid of doing any work disciminated the slaves and it was the beginning of the opposition of black and white people. So, with this mix of cultures in a same country, the landscape (so the spaces) have been modified and it continues today with the comtemporary architecture.

Then, guns in America are 300 million today so it represents importants exchanges since the 2nd Amendment was passed. On top of that these guns are not always declared so the exchanges on the black market are importants too. We can show that the whole space of America is affected by guns with the prevention campaign poster « God Bless America » designed by Brady Campaign, an American association against the free possession of guns. On the poster, there is a strong and colourful visual image, there are statistics (number of people killed annually due to gun crime), a campaign logo. The white background may mean that nothing else matters, we have to focus on the gun. The target audience of the poster is the American people because guns are a big part of the American culture, the American territory is infected by guns, with all the exchanges of guns.

To conclude, we have demonstrate how does the world can evolute with the example of America with its conquest which changed the US Territory because of a mix of cultures which were in opposition, in the violence. This violence have been encouraged by the exchanges of guns which takes an huge place in American Culture. We can make a link between guns in America and the notion of power because guns are the most extreme form of power (it can take someone's life) and you can have the power to defend yourself so maybe it's the reason why the American people are attached to guns.

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

J'ai fini de rédiger ma notion d'anglais, j'aimerais des avis/conseils pour l'améliorer