Oral bac Seats and forms of power ( assez urgent)

Sujet du devoir

Bonjour, je suis en langue vivante approfondie, je passe mon oral après les écrits du bac,  j'aimerais donc un avis sur le fond et la forme de mon devoir et quelques corrections sur les fautes qui s'y trouvent, je vous remercie d'avance :) 

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

I am going to deal with the notion “places and forms of power.
First of all I'd like to give a definition of the notion. The term “Places” denotes important buildings or institutions. Power is the ability to control others, events or resources; the ability to make things happen despite obstacles, opposition.
To illustrate this notion I will talk about the power of passion that's to say - How can artists and athletes, using their passion, have an impact on a social problem such as racism in the United States?
To answer these questions, I will use 3 documents, the first is a newspaper article written by david E and published on february 16 2009 by america magazine, the second document which is also my personal document is a work by emory douglas, finally, the third and last document is a newspaper article published by Tim-Hime on august 29 2016.

In December 1865 slavery was abolished, nevertheless as early as 1876 Afro-Americans faced the Jim Crow laws whose purpose was to maintain Blacks separated from whites to narrowed their civil rights.
Over these years racial tensions were highest and the gap between black and white seemed insurmountable. Nonetheless in the 60's the movement of civil rights flourished. It tried to improve the living conditions for black people and equality in the law
My first document is a newspaper article which honours the 50 years of Motown whose founder is Berry Gordy.
He is an african american. He develops his taste in music by writing songs and launches the Motown Records Corporation in 1959.
Despite the fact that music of african americans seldom exceeded the boundaries of community, The Motown provides an opportunity to Berry Gordy to give the floor to Talented black artists
In this way, The label will produce the bulk of black music of the 60's and will export worldwide. Marvin gaye, The jackson five, stevie wonder, the temptations will be spokespersons of the african-american culture countrywide.
Black music played by blacks has become tremendously popular in America's civil rights struggle. They enabled to lower the tensions and to bring people together.
Furthermore, motown produced the record of the speech "i have a dream" by martin luther king in detroit in 1963. berry gordy managed the blending of genres, the audiences and artists beyond the skin colour and to accompany hope of recoil the racial barriers.
The year 1964 marks a turning point in the struggle for the emancipation of black people. The civil rights act banned, in principle at least, segregation. The social reality is quite different. Black people are overwhelmingly proletarian and undergo the two-fold oppression of capitalism and racism, their rights are in fact solely formal.
Increasingly young people campaign for emergence of movements more proactive especially from 1966.

The black panther party is the result of the meeting of two young activists Huey P. Newton et Bobby Seale, à Oakland in California
The party fought against police violence by organizing armed patrols to oversee police and led solidarity campaigns to the african american community.
Around 1969 it was claiming 10 000 members. Its newspaper “black panther” whose Leroy Eldridge Cleaver was the editor in chief affected 250 000 persons
Emory Douglas is an artist who was an integral part of black panther party, he became Minister for Culture in 1967 and designed artwork which became powerful symbols of the movement
My second document which is also my personal document is one of his posters. It represents a group of Afro-Americans with machine-guns.
He issues a clear message to african americans, you must take arms! He fosters his community to start a revolution until things are genuinely different.
He conceives tasteful artwork both loud and useful. Useful for the people and for the fight/combat. He sees his work as a weapon.
His works are social criticism which have inspired several people to act. He uses his passion for imparting with people, he's aware that the black community doesn't read. He opted to put his knowledge in illustration at the service off a graphical language, easy, direct and impactful, specifically targeted the masses and black neighborhoods
Emory Douglas was in position to shed some light, inform and educate people to take a
stand and withstand against repression while being at the core of the fight.
In the early 80's attacks on party and the internal divisions led to the collapse of the party

However, the revolutionary commitment of emory douglas survived over the years in its content and its shape. More than 150 years after slavery, the issue of relations between blacks and whites has never ceased to divide the country.
Today people are still find of the relevance in his work. 
Despite the fact that barack obama became the first black president in 2008, blacks remain largely poorer than whites, they very often confront police ill-treatment.
In 2013, 27 percent of african american lived below the poverty line.
The movement Black Lives matter showed up in july 2013 via a hashtag on twitter after the death of several unarmed black under the bullets of white police officers. It became the rallying slogan of the American anti-racism youth.
My third and last document is a newspaper article by time-hime published in 2016.
Colin kaepernick is an african american quarterback from san francisco team.On august
26, 2016 during a game he refused to get up for the american anthem.
Through this gesture he denounced the police violence against the african american and the systematic acquittal of the police officers who are the authors.
In 2016 there were 173 black persons murdered by authorities in the united states.
faced with his gesture, the reactions were mixed.
A higher-ranking executive of the national football league described him a traitor. Some fans chose to burn down his jersey
at the same time he became the hero of the movement black lives matter, his jersey became biggest-selling of the league.
colin kaepernick promised to remit money to associations that combat racism as well as a check worth one million dollars
It is a revolutionary act since he took along his activism on the ground whereas American regard the sporting enclosures as neutral spaces. He was joined by a growing number of athletes through the country.
Beyond, Black Lives MATER is from now on a platform and a network of several thousands of people. The group incarnates “a call to the action and an answer to the violent racism against black people which infiltrates our society“, the organization indicates on its website.

To conclude, whether their names are Berry Gordy, Emory Douglas or Colin Kaepernick, they are men who have all used their passions to try to make things happen.
Berry Gordy succeeded in bringing people together and to ease the tensions during the civil right movement thanks to his production of Afro-American artists and his soul music. Emory Douglas through his art wanted to convey a strong message to his people in order to awaken consciences and encourage his community to fight for their rights.
Finally, Colin Kapearnick as a quaterback used his celebrity and influence to pass a strong message to the American people. He also used his fortune to help anti-racism associations. Moreover, his gesture has led to a mobilization against racism in the world of sport.