pour l'oral d'anglais :D

Publié le 2 mai 2010 il y a 14A par Anonyme - Fin › 4 mai 2010 dans 13A
5

Sujet du devoir

voila alors pour mon oral il faut que je redige un resumé d'un texte ( d'un extrait ) appelé JANE EYRE et je dois le rediger au passé si vous pouvez me dire si il ya des fautes ...

thank you :B

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

voila mon texte :

This mysterious visitor was called Mr Mason , he arrived at THORNFIELD HALL at night and said he was a friend of Mr Rochester so he would like spoke with him . But in a moment Rochester's friends heard a terrible cry in the attic so he came and reassured them and they returned in theirs rooms except Jane because Mr Rochester would like to her , to helped him . So she entered in the room and discovered Mr Mason was covered in blood she was really frightened and she asked a lots of questions for her because Mr Mason musn't spoke with her but when Rocheter came with a doctor for took him in his country he said a strange sentence . After Rochester would like spoke with Jane about this and she said she was really afraid but Rochester doesn't spoke about this sentence and laughed .



6 commentaires pour ce devoir


Anonyme
Posté le 2 mai 2010
This mysterious visitor was called Mr Mason , he arrived at THORNFIELD HALL in the night and said he was Mr Rochester's friend so he would like to speak with him . But suddenly Rochester's friends heard a terrible cry in the attic so he came and reassured them and they returned in their room except Jane because Mr Rochester wanted her to help him . So she entered in the room and discovered Mr Mason covered in blood she was really frightened and asked a lots of questions for her because Mr Mason musn't speak with her but when Rocheter came with a doctor to take him in his country he said a strange sentence . After, Rochester would like to speak with Jane about this and she said she was really afraid but Rochester didn't speak about this sentence and laughed .

Parfois je ne comprenais pas trop ce que tu voulais dire donc je ne sais pas si tout est bon ^^
Anonyme
Posté le 2 mai 2010
a --' ce n'est pas grave je vais revoir ça mercii ;)
Anonyme
Posté le 2 mai 2010
Voici le texte corrigé. Le problème est que je n'ai pas tout compris...
Si tu m'éclaires, on peut peut-être améliorer ton texte.


The mysterious visitor was called Mr Mason , he arrived at THORNFIELD HALL at night and said he was a friend of Mr Rochester so he would like to speak with him . But at that very moment, Mr Mason heard a terrible cry from the attic.He came in and reassured them and they entered theirs rooms again except Jane because Mr Rochester would like her to help him . So she entered the room and discovered Mr Mason was covered with blood. she was really frightened and she remained puzzled because Mr Mason didn't want to speak with her. when Rochester came in with a doctor in order to take him in his country he said a strange sentence . After Rochester would like to speak with Jane about this and she said she was really afraid but Rochester didn't speak about this sentence and laughed .
Anonyme
Posté le 2 mai 2010
enfaite l'histoire c'est que Mr Mason est un ami de Mr Rochester et il est venu cher lui a thornfield hall mais ses amis ( a rochester ) ont entendu un cri terrible et donc Rochester les a rassuré mais il a demandé a jane si elle pouvait l'aidé elle a vu Mr Mson couvert de sang alors elle a peur et elle se pose des questions surtout parce que Mason n'a pas le droit de lui parler jusqu'a que Rochester vienne avec un docteur pour le renvoyer d'ou il vient et le soigner et apres Rochester veut parler a Jane de ce qui c'est passé mais elle lui demande ce que signifiait la phrase que Mason avait dite avant de partir mais rochester ne veut pas en parler .
Anonyme
Posté le 3 mai 2010
The mysterious visitor was called Mr Mason. He arrived at THORNFIELD HALL at night. He said he was a friend of Mr Rochester, and would like to speak to him. But suddenly, Rochester's friends heard a terrible cry in the attic. He went to reassure them. They all returned in their rooms, except Jane, because Mr Rochester wanted her to help him. She entered in the room and discovered Mr Mason covered in blood. She was really frightened and asked lots of questions. Mr Mason couldn't speak with her, but when Rochester came with a doctor to take him back to his country, he told a strange sentence. After Rochester told Jane about this, she said she was really afraid, but Rochester didn't speak about this sentence and laughed .


Ton texte est très compliqué à comprendre.
Les points à améliorer sont :

- Fais des phrases plus courtes (ça permet de pouvoir respirer et c'est plus clair).
- Arrête les répétions avec "so" à toutes les phrases !!
- Il y a plein de contradictions dans ton texte, comme dans la dernière phrase: [il en parle à Jane (de la phrase), mais il ne lui parle pas de sa phrase et rit].

Pour nous faciliter la tache, mets-nous le texte en français et on te le traduira.

Anonyme
Posté le 3 mai 2010
je suis d'accord avec Cloe8614. Même en français, ton texte est compliqué. Tu dois apprendre à faire des phrases plus courtes!
Attention: to enter a room

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