Aide a la correction d'un exercice sur un sujet en Anglais SVP

Sujet du devoir

Tâche 1; écrire un sujet, quelques phrases de soutien et d'une peine de fermer les points suivants:
Âge de la retraite est en augmentation en Europe.

Avant tout merci de votre attention.
C'est un TD que je dois rendre mardi matin. Je l'ai terminée ce matin cependant j'aimerais une correction car j'ai faites cette petite rédaction par des connaissances personnelle et des informations trouver sur internet, seulement je doutes que mon texte soit assez bien fournis.

C'est ma première année de licence ECO-GESTION et je pense que j'aurais besoin de vous cette année!

Merci de votre aide !

Où j'en suis dans mon devoir

In recent years, in Europe increased retirement age is a serious cause for concern. In 2010, nearly 3 million French people demonstrated in France after an announcement by the Department of Labor Eric Woerth as he declared predict increase the retirement age beyond 60 years. Following this announcement, it was an important unspoken prevention across Europe. Dublin to Rome, from Vilnius to Lisbon, they think about how to reduce the fiscal burden of pensions.
Russia has so far failed to increase the retirement age to predict because of its lower mortality rate than the average (59 in 2009 and 55 in 2005), however, if in 2020 the mortality rates increase it is possible that retirement goes up from 60 to 62 years.
Moreover, in Europe, the increase in the retirement age will gradually, step by step so there is no panic to do immediately. In France it will be gradually increased to 62 in 2018. The British also preparing to abolish the law on mandatory retirement at age 65 for men and 60 for women. They plan to increase the retirement age to 68 years for men (hence, the retirement age for women will also be rejected). Dutch, Germans and Italians also provide the same kind of reform.